Friday, October 9, 2009

Here Sits a Guilty Mommy

I am sitting here contemplating the “me” time I will be having tomorrow, and to be honest, I am feeling more than a little guilty. I am finally going to get my shopping trip while my daughter is at practice tomorrow, and as the school’s photographer (one of my many extra duties) I will be attending our school’s Homecoming dance to snap a few shots of the king, queen, court, etc. A teacher friend of mine will also be there serving as a chaperone, and when her two-hour sentence is up we are going to head over to her house for a late night chic flick! (Her fiancé is out of town, so she decided to spend all her free time this weekend with her friends.)

So what's the problem?

I am worried about a few things though. The friendships I have formed with non-moms never seem to last because they just don’t seem to understand how motherhood changes everything. I mean it affects how you think about situations-that mommy radar is always on- and the fact is, you need to be where your kids are in order to be involved in their lives. There is no “spur of the moment” dash anywhere, as all events must be carefully planned and synchronized, and mothers instinctively understand this.


I also worry about our age difference because even though I have many friends (especially co-worker friends) who are older than me a good 10-15 years, I am fourteen years older than her, so it feels different, and there’s something weird about all this. See I feel young around my older friends, and even though I feel I don’t look-or heavens act-my age, I can’t help feeling old around her.

She’s wearing all the latest fashions while my fashions are a couple years old (I’ve got to get to that mall!), she’s planning her spring wedding while I’m planning doctor and dentist visits, and even though our personalities seem to click, I can’t help but wonder if I should be acting my age.

We are finally going to get together sans kids (she has been over my house three times but I have never been to hers), but the truth is, I don’t know if I can hold out that long! By the time we leave the dance it will be around 9:00 p.m., my usual wind down time, and I probably won’t get home until around midnight, and this mom is going to be tired.
And guilty…the bedtime ritual is pretty important to me, plus since I work, my weekends almost always revolve around my kids. The tired feeling will probably snowball into Sunday, and a tired mommy isn’t a good thing.

Why do I feel so weird?

I am almost tempted to call this off, but even though I have a lot of “all-purpose” friends, I have few that I consider to be close, and I have turned to her more this past summer than any other friend. I just hope I have the nerve… So, until tomorrow, “Here’s looking at you kid.” I always wanted to use that line…


  1. Try not to over think it and just let yourself go. Sometimes the things we think will not feel "worth it" end up very worth it.

    It's okay to take time for yourself. Even if it means you're a little tired the next day. I find that I need regular "me" time to help me keep sane and not feeling like a genderless robot. I'm better for my family if I get this kind of time.

  2. Oh, don't call it off. Friendship can be found in the strangest places. If you've found yourself turning to her more often than not, then you definitely must enjoy her company and she obviously enjoys yours. Don't let your wardrobe bother you and just can live vicariously through her. You can plan a wedding and all that good stuff, without actually having to do anything. Then you can go back home to the real world and snuggle your kids. If they let you. :)

    Just enjoy the time, try not to think too much. We all deserve some "me-time" now and then. Have fun!

  3. I totally get what you mean. my husband organised for me to go out last night with a friend, shopping and to see a was already past tea time and I just didn't feel like it. But he even went as far as texting my friend and arranging all the little things, all I had to do was pick her up and have a good time. Which I did after that :)Sometimes we gotta leave that false guilt and enjoy ourselves. it makes us a better mum ,wife and friend all round (a little more tired or not). Have fun :)

  4. you should still go. You'll probably have more fun than you think...and a chick flick?! That alone is worth it, I need one of those, I've had it with Noggin!

  5. oh please dont call it off. I understand your concerns, but your never know..You guys will have a great time. Think of it as your deserving "me" time. I believe that every mother should have some "me" time. We all need our sanity, we all need to be able to go to shopping trips without worrying about kids running out of the store. We need to be able to eat without worrying about the kids.

    You truly deserve it. Make the most of this time..When your trip is will come back to your precious ones!!!! HAVE FUN!

  6. Oh, go!! And have fun! You deserve a break, too.

  7. I agree, don't call it off! Give it and try without having any set expectations -see how it goes. I have several friends who are younger than me and have no kids. I am like a big sister to them, a cool big sister. I always talk about my kids and they find a way to relate - like if they have a pet. I listen to their stories and that's where the common ground comes in. Hanging around younger friends makes me feel younger.

    Enjoy your time. You deserve it. :)

  8. I understand completely, but I agree, don't call it off. I bet you will have a great time. A whole day off sounds so wonderful. I hope you enjoy yourself and don't let that mommy guilt get you. We don't get much time to ourselves, so we have to enjoy it while we can. It's the rules!

    By the way, you have an award waiting for you on my blog. Congrats!

  9. Go for it! I think you'll wind up enjoying yourself. I have met a good number of moms who are around 10 years younger than me. It does feel strange at times, but usually after a few laughs we're all on the same page!


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