I couldn't wait to do this week's microfiction post. For those of you who are new, Susan, over at Stony River, challenges us to look at a picture and write a story in 140 characters or less (including spaces and punctuation). I thought I would challenge myself, and I'm glad I did because this exercise helps me tighten up otherwise overly wordy posts. Here is this week's picture and my stories:
I watched her, aimlessly shuffling through fallen leaves, deep in thought and purpose, unaware of what I would soon do for her-for us. (134 characters)
Once again I wanted to go beyond my comfort zone and try a little poetry, just to see if I could do it. I am following no known rules of verse here, mainly because I can't remember any, and my last line seems very cliché, but I still want you to tell me what you think.
Flash of pink amid orange and brown
The brightest spot in my life
I'll be here 'til' the day she’s grown
And she spreads her wings to fly
(137 characters)
I couldn't use any form of punctuation between the lines because that would put me past the 140 mark, so the breaks in thought and voice were done with spacing alone. I'm not sure a professional would approve but I'll check: is this alright septembermom?
Why not take up the challenge yourself? Put your story in a comment or write a post of your own. (Just be sure to link up at Stony River) Now for some reason I'm craving apple cider, so until next week...
They are both great, but I especially love the poem. It touches the heart of any mom!
ReplyDeleteI don't think punctuation is necessary in a poem when the phrases are on separate lines. I do the same thing--leave out commas, etc., and make separate lines in a poem.
Marvelous! Both of them! Like Pat, the poem really touches me! Love it! Great job! Hope you have a lovely week!
ReplyDeleteSylvia
As you say, deep in thought... lovely poem, too
ReplyDeleteI don't know what Septembermom will say, but I've been writing for more than 50 years (I started early) and I say poetry doesn't require punctuation when the phrases are on different lines.
ReplyDelete-- Kay
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
I love the second one, the poem. It speaks to the heart.
ReplyDelete--Kay
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
Both little micros are so cute and include a hint of mystery!
ReplyDeleteTwo lovely takes on the picture!
ReplyDeleteNew follower! Follow me back when you get a chance.
ReplyDeleteCarrie
the5thgirl.com
I think both the prose and poem are well written!
ReplyDeleteThe poem is so touching. It makes me miss my mom. Love this!
ReplyDeleteBoth are great and I love the poem.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is wonderful and touched me because I have a daughter! Lovely work!
ReplyDeleteMy secret is to split my sentences, leaving no space between the word of the new line with the last one of the previous. Oh, and I forgo a lot of punctuation as well. I thought you did wonderfully with each of these.
ReplyDeleteI am struck with a sense of foreboding with the 1st one. You have to tell me what happens to that dear little child, so unaware of the intruder who will "do things for her (to her?)- for us". Or am I reading too much into it. Do tell!
Oh this was wonderful Susan ~ I so much enjoyed your really thoughtful pieces ~ all heart written ~ the very best kind ~ & LOVED IT ~ *heartsmiles* lib
ReplyDeleteA beautiful job.
ReplyDeleteI loved them both. Your poetry is wonderful, though. I'm not that brave.
ReplyDeleteThese are wonderful Susan! You know that I love the poem (right up my alley :) Great job once again!
ReplyDeleteVery Intriguing. It fits the picture well. The other ladies are right, any mom can feel that poem and it isn't cliche when it is just how you feel : )
ReplyDeleteGreat rhythm to your microfictions. Nicely done! :O)
ReplyDeleteSusan, both of these were wonderfully heartfelt. And the poem was excellent. No problem dispensing with punctuation in poetry when, as Pat says, the line breaks do it for you.
ReplyDeleteHave a great week.
Wow, you did two! Impressive. This is my first time and it was a challenge. Love the first line in the second poem.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is so wonderfully upbeat...great!
ReplyDeleteYes I loved the poem, though I felt a bit stoopid, I didn't quite get the micro ending. :O)
ReplyDeleteI want to know what you are going to do in the first one. I like that you ended on a mystery.
ReplyDeleteIf you aren't writing in a particular form (which is quite "in" right now) punctuation and spacing is very much about feeling and flow which you captured nicely.
I liked them both--the first one made me think that the mom was going to run away with her child, to safety perhaps....
ReplyDeleteAnd the poem is lovely--who needs punctuation as long as the reader can figure out the pauses, etc. Good job!
Cheers.
I love the poem, Susan! I'm too tired to think of my own words right now. Lol! So I'm just going to enjoy yours. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is a great poem, Susan. I majored in poetry in college. I love poetry. I think that you have a real talent!
ReplyDeletethat is wonderful!!!
ReplyDeleteoh, and I hope your Chi is getting back in balance!!!