Friday, April 16, 2010

Date Night Disasters

Why is it that dating my husband is so much harder and involves much more mishap than it was during our pre-marriage days? I’m not saying that our pre-marriage dates were always fantastic because many times they just involved dinner and a movie, but dating my husband takes an extreme amount of effort. You have to decide on the day, arrange for a sitter, plan the outing so that you are not completely exhausted the next day, and the date never seems to live up to all the hype-although it does make for a good blog post…

When my kids were smaller, we didn’t try to go out-with both of us working, the guilt of not being near our kids during our off time was just too much too bear, and we did everything together as a family. Then as our family grew and the kids got older, the stresses of family life and the workday naturally increased so my husband and I tried to incorporate little “breaks” from the kids a few times a year. Yes, you read that right-we still had trouble leaving the kids. We are more relaxed about things now, but both kids are in school so it makes things much easier. Besides, they both cheer when they hear we are leaving them with a sitter.

But while we overcame the leaving part, the actual dating part has, well, been interesting. At first, I chalked up our dating experience as just a case of bad luck-I mean, sometimes things go wrong no matter how much you plan. But then I started noticing a pattern and realized that we must be the ill fated victims of some type of tribal curse that affects only married couples, and we are destined, like in the movie Ground Hog Day, to suffer continued dating disasters.

For instance, let’s look back at when the dates started going sour-my husband and I decided to get a nice dinner and finish our Christmas shopping. I was so looking forward to this but as the date grew closer, and money spent on Christmas gifts started flying through our fingertips, we decided on a sandwich joint instead-we used the fact that we would have more time to shop as a way of softening the disappointment. Things started off well because we were able to get most of what was on our list, but then it was time to eat. We stopped off at a favorite hang out of ours-one we have been to a thousand times-and we ordered our usual choices. But things took a bad turn after I had finished my last bite-I had a peculiar feeling in my stomach. I had eaten more than I usually do so I just thought I was overly full, but oh how wrong I was!

I remember that we were in the car and my husband was relating some story involving something at work, but all my concentration was on the sick feeling in my stomach. I mentioned that I wasn’t feeling very well and may have to use a bathroom, so my husband nonchalantly said I could go at the sitters. That seemed plausible enough until my hands and feet started to itch, and we're not talking a little itch here-I’m saying that if I could have scratched my skin off, I would have done so that night!

I turned the dash light on-I had monster hands and feet, all red and swollen and I had blotches on my face. I remember my husband uttering “whoa” when he snuck a peek at me-I was that hideous. Then the nausea increased and I begged my husband to get me to the nearest bathroom. One of the county parks was nearby so he pulled up close to the public bathrooms, but it was getting dark and the bathroom had no electric lights, so my husband kept his headlights on so that I could find my way to a stall. Let me tell you that these facilities were only one step up from a porta-potty, and the stench alone could have made me wretch, and wretch I did do, several times in a scope of about 20 minutes. By this time my husband’s headlights went out and I had to endure my miserable state in pitch black, but then I heard voices. The parks close and lock their gates at dark, so a park ranger had come by to see what was up, and to make matters worse, we both knew the guy!

After completely emptying my stomach of all of its contents, I tried to feel my way out the door and walk nonchalantly to the car, but the ranger shined his light (he shouldn’t have) before I could crawl back in. We made it to the sitters but my husband went in alone to get the kids. We figured that the restaurant had added something new to the dish and that I had a nasty allergic reaction to whatever it was. A little Benadryl and a good nights rest set everything right again, but like I said before, that one date was the start of a trend!

Now I would be lying if I said that every outing where I was alone with my husband ended badly, because there were a few times this year when both of us were off but the kids had school, and those couple days were wonderful. But these were spontaneous outings, with no planning involved, so they ended much better than anything we ever planned. So I decided to compile a list of all the bad luck that has happened on our dates of late to prove my curse theory:

·At a recent outing, we were forced to entertain a co-worker’s drunken husband.

·We attended an evening wedding that left us wiped out that night and for the rest of the weekend, and I became the designated driver...

·We decided on a new restaurant but had to wait 45 minutes for a table, 30 minutes for our food, and 20 minutes for the check. There were no happy thoughts on the way home.

·I was so excited about meeting my husband at a nearby restaurant-of course traffic was terrible and I was running late. I glanced at a nearby eatery but didn’t see the car in front of me slam on their breaks-I totaled our 6 month old van and got a ticket! My husband met me at the crash site instead and dinner was, um, canceled.

·Before another date my husband and I got into an argument about whether we were going to a movie or just out to eat. Well, we had a bad meal, no movie, and we barely talked the entire time.

So you see, we are cursed and it seems the only sure way to have a good date is to make sure that the date isn’t planned. But with two kids, sports practices, and work, this is next to impossible-were talking the earth-moon-sun angle needs to be 180 degrees with a full moon at midnight… But tell me, has this same blight affected you, or have you mastered “date night” at your house? I sure hope this malady isn’t contagious…


  1. haha!! yeah we tried to have a date last night and funnily enough I just posted about it too...not quite as disastrous as yours though!

  2. Wow! I guess even with all the drama you guys still had each other and were able to experience even the bad times. You are right, planning a date night is nearly impossible for us as well. By the time we decide on a day, find a sitter, decide on a restaurant..the charm fades and we end up just staying home with the girls. I rather do date weekend trips where we go out for the weekend. That way pressure is not put on one good night!

  3. Hi Susan, I was starting to write a comment, but it ended up being so long that I had better just post about my own date night experience.

    Short and sweet, I feel for you with your date night mishaps.

    Wishing you the best of evenings on your next date night,


  4. Hee hee...not laughing AT you, you know. Just WITH you! :) You're right...a Walmart curse is much better than a date night curse! But maybe it's a good thing my husband and I haven't had a date in awhile... :)

  5. You guys are due for some good dating luck!! My husband and I really don't go out at all. We had one date recently, after 5 years. I know, pathetic. We had fun, but I think I was jumpy thinking about whether the kids were fighting for my mom. We even went out at 1:00 in the afternoon. I think I feel like a senior citizen now! Now we want movies on demand on our couch. It kind of works for both of us. We're relaxed, the kids are sleeping, and we don't have to get dressed up. Geez, I am becoming a fuddy duddy!! Good luck Susan on your next date. Don't go bowling. I don't want your "bad luck" to follow you there. Not fun to have a bowling ball fall on your foot!

  6. It seems that everytime my husband and I decide to go on a date (which is super rare - our son is only 20 months and we are like you guys were - we usually stay at home with him), it never works out. The two times we tried to go to a movie, the movie was sold out and we ended up wandering around Target instead. And when we go out to dinner, we end up talking about our son and wishing we were at home to tuck him in! It's terrible.

  7. Widge, I just read yours too. I feel your pain girl! LOL!

    Areeba, you know I never thought about weekend trips, and the kids don't see their grandparents enough... Hmm...

    Shelly, I can't wait to read your date night story! (Thanks for the well wishes!)

    The Girl with the Flour, I told you I was cursed too!

    Septembermom, don't worry. I can't stand bowling-I stink at it and don't need that extra pressure. Hey, your descriptions sound like our "perfect" date nights too! LOL!

    Amo, it's hard to do date night with infants-I know, we didn't start doing it until the kids were older. Good luck!

  8. Oh my, you really do need to try to keep it on "whim" status. We don't usually go out much but when we have to travel for business it is like a treat, dinner out..quiet hotel in the evening.

  9. MOPG, ah, a weekend getaway... Nice.

  10. I feel ya!I don't even remember when was the last time we had a date night,dinner out without kid.But sometimes we meet outside for lunch when our son at school;)

  11. Yonca, we started trying little meetings too. We now get breakfast together when the kids have Sunday school, and that has worked out well.

  12. Holy crap! (pun intended)

    so far, in the 15 years of togetherness, we haven't had any major date night issues. At this point, if we can find a babysitter, we call that a success!

  13. Molly, your funny! Thanks for the laugh!

  14. Hilarious! And sad ;). I find I usually save whatever has been bothering me during the week (about him, naturally) for date night, and then it comes out after we've been having a lovely time, and a few glasses of wine, and we end the evening with a "disagreement." Sigh. I have to improve my timing.

    Love the blog!!

    Peryl (MBC)

  15. One of these days you're going to be surprised and have the perfect date!

  16. Parenting, I do this too (unfortunately!)

    Blueviolet, I hope you're right!

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  18. I felt like I was reading a script for a movie! :) You can always find humor in the worst situation, Susan, and that's great!

  19. Thanks hypermom-it's a gift I guess... LOL!


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