Sunday, February 20, 2011

Past and Present

It's that time again, Mircrofiction Monday #71-this is where Susan, from Stony River challenges us to write a 140 character story (or less, including spacing and punctuation) based on the photo she posts. I should be doing work on the computer, but I took a short break to post my entry. This picture was haunting, but I didn't know it was a building still being used until I read Susan's description on her blog-somewhat unnerving, to say the least!

Anyway, I did both prose and poetry again, but my poem is sort of "out there"-I didn't want to do just a rhyming version of my first take... So here is this week's picture and my first story:


Our feet echoed in the grimy hallway-this had been our school, once teeming with life and promise, but now a hull holding only memories. (138 characters)

And here's my poem:

I look for you,
Knowing you're not there.
I call for you,
Refusing to care
That you are only,
In my mind,
Just a memory,
Love left behind. (138 characters)

I want to thank all of you for your lovely comments, especially those encouraging me in the poetry realm. This was a challenge I gave myself, and I really enjoy it! I look forward to reading your takes this week too-would anyone see any humor in this? I wonder...

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33 comments:

  1. Sylvia KFebruary 20, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    I think the pic of the day spoke to a lot of us in similar ways -- old memories, old schools! You've got a great take for the day! Enjoy your week, Susan!

    Sylvia

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  2. UnknownFebruary 20, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    I'm a sucker for prompted poetry (I did one for Saturday Centus) and this reads very well. I really enjoyed your take on the prompt.

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  3. PeggyFebruary 20, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    Susan;

    Your poem was lovely like usual.
    So glad you like doing them for us.

    Your MF was just great. I think most of us can relate to that time in our life.

    Have a wonderful week.

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  4. Ms.DaisyFebruary 20, 2011 at 10:50 PM

    Susan,
    I really like your poetry for this week's prompt. The school hallway is good one too!

    ~Jean

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  5. PatFebruary 20, 2011 at 10:54 PM

    Your first story reminds me that you can never go back---and in both stories, just memories remain. I identify with the sentiments in your lovely, poignant poem.

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  6. Rinkly RimesFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    Both your pieces are very nostaligic.

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  7. Melanie ShermanFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:19 AM

    It is sad, seeing something--or someone--that was once so filled with life, becoming an empty hull. (sob)

    Poem was lovely.

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  8. VickiFebruary 21, 2011 at 1:11 AM

    Love it in poem form ... I'd say "Yes", we were thinking the same.
    Have a great week!

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  9. KBFebruary 21, 2011 at 1:59 AM

    Loved your poem and take on the pic.

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  10. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2011 at 5:19 AM

    Excellent poem and micro as always :O)

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  11. Lisa Ricard ClaroFebruary 21, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    Enjoyed both your offerings. The poem flows beautifully, and I love the use of "hull" in the first--nice imagery.

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  12. JimFebruary 21, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    Hi Susan, you have good thoughts coming out of your ยต-fiction story. The older we get the more of those kind of memories seem to pop up. The goes for both of yours today.
    Rue the day when we don't have those memories anymore!
    ..

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  13. izzyFebruary 21, 2011 at 7:25 AM

    Wow like them both, Thanks.

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  14. Linda O'ConnellFebruary 21, 2011 at 7:26 AM

    Hi Susan,
    I am new to micro fiction and would like to give it a try. I enjoyed your poem as much as your micro fiction. I signed on to follow your blog. Please sign on mine http://lindaoconnell.blogspot.com/

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  15. Dee at Pedestrian PalateFebruary 21, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    Prose and poetry? Overachieve much?

    Really great job!

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  16. AshlingFebruary 21, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    Really, really like the second story-in-a-poem.

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  17. Maude LynnFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    These are both excellent!

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  18. Doctor FTSEFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    Lovely poem.

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  19. DianeFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    Both very strong emotionally. Good job! :O)

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  20. Bill ~ {The Old Fart}February 21, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    Could we call the Quiet Hallway "Memory Lane". Great one Susan, I think all of us in some form or another took a trip down' memory lane.

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  21. ReflectionsFebruary 21, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Well done... reminders of days past, and the need for letting go.

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  22. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    Enjoye both. Very nostalgic mood.

    My MM: Escape

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  23. AnonymousFebruary 22, 2011 at 1:02 AM

    Two wonderful takes on the prompt, Susan! Old memories evoke much emotion in us, don't they? I really enjoyed these reads...and thanks so much for stopping by my page.

    Lynette

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  24. Ellen BrickleyFebruary 22, 2011 at 4:02 AM

    I love both of your entries, Susan, but the first one is probably my favourite. I got a very boarding-school feeling from the photo myself.

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  25. jabblogFebruary 22, 2011 at 5:35 AM

    'a hull holding only memories' - lovely!
    I really enjoyed your poem - succinct and all-enfolding.

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  26. anthonynorthFebruary 22, 2011 at 5:35 AM

    Loved the nostalgia in these.

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  27. Monica ManningFebruary 22, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Thanks for visiting my blog, Susan. Both pieces are great. I see the picture from a different perspective now that I've read your prose. It's as though the school grieves for the children during the summer break.

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  28. Donna B.February 22, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Hi Susan, I am new to your blog. I am so impressed with both your MM and your poem, especially your poem. You DO HAVE TALENT! I think I best follow you so I can enjoy more of your poetry. Great job!

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  29. Michael G-GFebruary 22, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    Both of these are terrific, Susan. I especially like your poetry.

    Thanks for the comment on mine. Hope your week is going well.

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  30. AnonymousFebruary 22, 2011 at 9:10 PM

    Both of your takes fit the picture perfectly. Lots of nostalgia this week. And I love your poem. Have a great week. Cheers~

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  31. MargaretFebruary 23, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    Wonderful. High school memories and love left behind. Sigh.

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  32. KarenFebruary 27, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    138 was definitely a magical number for you! Love 'teeming' & 'hull' in your first one and I can feel your poem. :> Yea, there was a lot of dark in this last week's round, but I suspect this week will be lighter!

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  33. DeboraFebruary 27, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    I really liked your poem. Very melancholy feeling to it.

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