Not a Crisis, Just a Restrospective

As we get older, we sometimes let the roles we play in life define who we are as a person, forgetting about the girl we once were and the dreams we may have had. We tell ourselves that we don’t have time for those dreams anymore, what with business meetings, gymnastics practices, carpools, dinner at 5:30, and we put the needs of others ahead of our own to satisfy our inner caretaker. If you have a family, you take on the dreams of your children, living vicariously through them because they are still a small part of you.

The Reality

I am writing this post not to depress you, but to tell you that you should make the time for yourself again, and I am writing from experience. The paragraph above is about me, the overworked, worn-out woman, who forgot about the “me” in mommy. (Get it? Ok, maybe it is a little corny, but it fit.) My kids are everything to me, and since I am a working mom, my time after work and on the weekends would be dedicated to them, but my 10-year devotion to just them started to take its toll on me both physically and mentally.

The Turning Point(s)

Actually there was more than one “Aha” moment when I was faced with the fact that my life was lacking something. The first time was when a co-worker struck up a conversation with me at lunch asking what I did for fun. My answer was a general one-I do things with my family-and this was true and I loved doing this, but I couldn’t think of any activity that I did that involved my interests. And what I did do for personal fun involved escapism (i.e. reading a good book or magazine, surfing the Web, watching a movie).
The second realization came while I was bemoaning the fact that I was so tired even after getting my 8 hours of sleep, my body always wanted more. I also noticed how going up the stairs was starting to feel like a whole body workout. The very smart man I have been married to for 18 years simply said, “Then do something about it.” He reminded me about some of the perks of our family membership at the local YMCA (one of them is meeting with a personal trainer to customize a workout) and told me to take advantage of them.

The Changes

My physical changes came after I met with that personal trainer and we developed a workout that involved cardio and weight training, and I have to tell you that my energy level is through the roof! I also decided that whoever said “You are what you eat” might have had a point, and I quit coffee (yes, I still miss it) and all caffeine, and instead drink water throughout the day. I also started taking a daily multivitamin and calcium supplement and added salads to almost every evening meal. (My daughter has now followed my lead and enjoys a salad as well.)

I starting out slow thinking about earlier interests, and one former love I had was writing. So now you will have to put up with my posts and comments for a while longer. I also always wanted to try my hand at a short story, and I completed my first yesterday evening. I am so proud of that fact.

My husband and kids have been more than supportive as I pursue new interests, although I have to admit I was a bit surprised, and I still feel a tad bit guilty. I guess this teacher has truly learned her lesson, and I hope it helps you too.

See you tomorrow...

If I complete a post tonight it will be a miracle because my son has been up three times already and we put him to bed over an hour ago. He was never a good sleeper even as an infant, and I can remember rocking him endlessly hoping he would drift off, but I soon realized that would never happen. My daughter was the opposite, and I enjoyed holding her sleeping body, my nose nestled in her hair, as I continued to rock, not wanting to end the special moment.

Now I love my children equally, but I noticed early on that there was a special connection between my husband and my daughter, and this is why the bedtime ritual was so important to me. Since daddy got more attention from my daughter during the day, I wanted her nights. When my son came along, I became the special parent, and my very needy little baby boy was not too crazy about parting with me at night, and this continues to some degree even now.

First attempt

My husband and I each take turns kissing and tucking both children in. I go to my daughter’s room first, kiss her goodnight, and rub her back, while my husband is tucking my son in, then switch, I go into my son’s room and my husband wishes my daughter a good night. Except my son doesn’t let me go away so easily, and suddenly there is something vital he must tell me at that very instant, and it usually comes with a very lengthy oration. After many “I sees,” and “Is that right?” I can finally shut the door, but every time that door goes shut, my son repeats the same three phrases he has been saying to me since he was two, and our little repartee goes like this: “Goodnight mommy.” “Goodnight dear.” “I love you.” “I love you too.” I’ll see you in the morning.” “See you in the morning.”

Second attempt

I then busy myself with getting ready for bed, then I jump on the computer or watch TV thinking, very foolishly of course, that my son is settling down for the night, but this is when he tries attempt number two. He starts to call me so I open his door and he reports that he has to go to the bathroom. Now, my husband and I have caught on to this one, and the last thing he does before bounding into bed is to try going to the bathroom, so I can now reply that he did this already. The response is the usual “Oh, that’s right, I forgot,” so I tell him goodnight, and our little ritual starts all over again.

Three's the charm

Now once again I am free, so I go back to whatever activity had been interrupted prior to attempt number two, and it’s not long before I am engrossed in what I am doing, and this is when attempt number three is tried. Silent as the night my son appears next to me (this always freaks the stuffing out of me), and he is usually sweating, his hair sticking to his forehead, because he is wearing his Spiderman pajamas and the shirt is too warm when he pulls all his covers up… The fix is for him to remove the top-I think he now wants to go to bed like his father- and once again I lead him back to bed with a stern “this-is-the-last-time” warning, but even though I am more than a little miffed, the bedtime ritual is repeated, and my heart melts.
I don’t know how much longer my son will say this to me, but I hope that day is a long time in coming. You see, I too am a person who likes rituals, and I don’t know how I could sleep without my, “Goodnight mommy. I love you. See you tomorrow.” Goodnight everyone. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

No More Cheap Books?

Ok, so maybe I am a little miserly, but with the economy in such a poor state and people worrying about job security, I think that may not be such a bad thing. Naturally, as things cost more to produce, the price goes up, and when people pause before making a purchase, the price stays up, but I was a tad disappointed with the very noticeable price increases of books offered through the Scholastic Book Club.

The book club of the past

I have fond memories of ordering books from Scholastic when I was little, mainly because with three sisters, getting something that was entirely mine was a rarity, and something new during the school year was almost non-existent. I remember how some downplayed the company because it offered much, if not all, of its books in paperback form, and these books would certainly not last the year. My mother thankfully did not subscribe to this way of thinking. She believed in fostering our love of books and she tried to add to our small collection whenever she could. Because the books were so reasonable, each of us were usually allowed a couple choices, and she taught us to treasure these new additions. (She still has many of these same books for my kids to enjoy when we come to visit…)

That was then, this is now...

Now prices did go up, but that was over 30 years ago, and this was expected, but prices were still more than reasonable, and when my daughter was in preschool, I started adding to her personal library. This tradition continued on into elementary school, but when my son started school, I noticed a major change. There used to be several books in each pamphlet in the $1 to $2 range, and my children and I would peruse these sections first. I set a price limit for each order, and my increasingly savvy daughter soon caught on to the fact that she could get more books for her buck if she kept to this price range, and four or five books were always better than two.

But there have been some major changes to the book club over the past two years that I haven’t been too crazy about. For one thing, more and more toys seem to be showing up as a side bonus to buying a particular book, and if your kids are anything like mine, an award-winning book is great but just look at the toy you can get with that book! I had to come up with some book ordering rules and one is that the book catalogs were to order books and books only, and although it was a hard sell at first, my kids don’t even bother to ask about the “fluff” books now.

Another disturbing trend is of course the price changes. It is very rare, if at all, to see a book costing anywhere near $1, and the books that are priced this low are usually by an author none of us have even heard of, so my kids don’t even bother to look at these anymore, and frankly I don’t blame them. It is also hard to purchase individual books and books in paperback. If I wanted the hardcover version, I would stop by my local Borders, and I don’t want 30 books even though they are a steal at $2 a book…

All good things must come to an end?

So does this mean I won’t order books for my kids anymore? No, of course not, but it just makes me a little sad to see a favorite icon tarnished and a favorite tradition threatened…

The "icky" of kids with colds

I am trying to keep up with my blog posts, but alas (I can't believe I just used the word "alas"- the cold meds must be working overtime) my husband and I seem to have caught my son's cold. Neither one of us got any sleep last night, and today we are walking zombies. (A teacher friend asked me a question in between classes and I just stared at her because what she was saying just didn't register.) The worst part about all this is that today is my husband's birthday, and neither of us felt much like cake and ice cream, or celebrating in general.

Just what is my post today?

So, while I wait for the grogginess to come so that I can get some decent shut eye, I got my recent post idea: Why doesn’t anyone ever tell you about some of the “icky” things you will have to deal when you are a mother? All you ever hear is the wonderful bonds that will form and how this is the best thing that will ever happen to you, and while I fully agree with both these statements, I wish someone had given me a little “heads up” when it came to some of the other things you deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Cold germs 101

Now I hope I won’t gross anyone out, but the reason I caught this cold might have something to do with my son’s new method for wiping his nose-with the front and back of his hands… His doing this doesn’t have anything to do with a lack of tissues in our house because they positively populate every room. (I buy the multi-packs when they go on sale…) In fact, I caught him “doing the deed” while standing directly next to a table where there was, you guessed it, a tissue box, and I just stared in disbelief. I get him to wash his hands when I catch him, but he’s a sneaky wiper sometimes-I know this because, well, you know

Boys against girls?

Is it a boy thing, I’m not sure, but these are the times that no mother likes to relive, or are they? I still remember some of the pretty nasty stuff my daughter did as a toddler and I plan to retell the stories over and over (when we are both older) until people get sick of hearing them. .

What's the big deal about encouraging students?

My blog posts consist mainly of helpful hints and friendly advise, but today I feel a need to get on my soapbox about an issue that  really rankles my “rickles”-I made a word up to keep things clean.

The issue

The issue at hand is President Obama’s speech to schoolchildren that was televised at 12:00 noon today. Now this type of speech is not a new thing because President Kennedy did it in 1960 and so did President George H. W. Bush in 1991. While I don’t know about the reaction to President Kennedy’s speech, (heck, I wasn’t even born yet), I do remember reading about the Democrats’ reaction to Bush’s speech. Most of the reaction came after his talk when Democrats claimed President Bush was trying to push his political agenda.

Why the fuss?

Now before I step on anyone’s toes out there, my purpose today is not to make any kind of political statement, but to put my backing behind the idea of talking to school students. Why can’t the most powerful man in the United States, our elected President, wish students well as they enter another year of school, and why would some be opposed to this? Did the President have a political agenda? Well, most politicians do, but I watched the speech, and the whole talk centered on not using your circumstances in life to dictate your future.

The bottom line

As a high school teacher, I think students need to hear that message over and over again from adults in many different realms of life, because the more it is repeated, the bigger the chance it has of actually registering in the students’ thought processes, turning the “I cant because”, into “I can,” and I for one will support anyone (Democrat or Republican) who is a voice of hope.

Get Kids in the Garden

My family and I were out in the garden today admiring some of the kid’s handiwork, the gorgeous sunflowers, when the idea for today’s blog came to me. My kids have always been picky eaters when it comes to anything in the vegetable arena, and I have learned a couple tricks that may be new to a few and old to others, that help them eat some, if not all, their vegetables.

First tip: Growing the dreaded vegetables

My husband and I have always had a garden, but with the price of groceries lately, we put more time and effort into it this year. Everyone has an input when it comes to what is grown, so the kids pick their favorites, help plant, and then help harvest some of the vegetables for dinner. When they know that what’s on their plate came out of the garden, I don’t get the usual pleas about how many bites they have to eat, and they usually eat most of what is served to them. We also let the kids add something special to the garden, and this year it was giant sunflowers. They grow pretty slowly, but when most of the garden is finished, these golden beauties brighten up an otherwise barren stretch of ground, and they are such a cheery reminder that there maybe some summer weather left.

Tip number two: Helping in the Kitchen

I know that this tip is not new, and with everyone’s busy schedule it’s hard to pull off, but I try to get my kids involved in at least one choice for dinner. I remind them about what we have, and then to make things easier and quicker, I give them a choice between two items. I also offer to make their choice a bit more appetizing by adding a topping-cheddar cheese is always a hit at our house-and this helps the green servings go down a little easier. (A little ketchup on the side is a favorite of my son’s, although the rest of us think this is pretty nasty, but hey, he eats it…)

Tip number four: Be a good model

Whatever you do, don’t worry if they turn their nose up at vegetables even after all your coaxing. My daughter used to despise everything and anything green-and yellow, and orange, and red-when she was my son’s age, but now she usually mixes a salad together, just like her dad and I, to go along with most dinners, and she often grabs handfuls of carrots -with dip too, but I’m not complaining- and eats these for snacks. The kids are watching your eating habits, whether or not they adopt them right away. So ease up, don’t fret, have the kids pop a multivitamin each day to help, then take them to smell some flowers before summer is all gone.

Technology: Friend or Foe

The Dilemma: Is technology a "friendly" source of pleasure or something to be watchful of?

Birthdays come around so quickly anymore. I can still see my kids as infants running around in nothing but a diaper, so when another year passes, it always takes me by surprise. This year my husband and I had a dilemma. Should we cave in and get my son the latest technology gizmo that some of his elementary school friends already have, or should we hold off on getting him hooked on computerized games at what I think is too young an age? The toy he was hinting at is the Nintendo DS, and we are pretty familiar with this gaming system because my daughter received one for her birthday just this past year. (Yes, we caved in, but we figured she was now old enough, and besides, she is so involved with other activities and her friends, that playing the games-which consist mainly of career exploration activities-isn’t a premium interest.)My son, on the other hand, has school, activities at home, and the occasional soccer match in the spring to keep him occupied. So the real fear is his getting “hooked” on the gaming since it might be the most appealing activity he has right now.

The Decision

Well, we decided to focus instead on feeding his imagination and keeping his body fit. I worry when some of the teenagers I come into contact with at school tell me about how late they were up the night before playing these games, so why should I start my son down this road now? He has a wonderful imagination, and he often shares his latest storyline when he is playing with some of his super hero action figures. He can also play with Legos and puzzles for hours because he seems to be fascinated with putting things together. So we are still going to keep the super hero theme alive and get him action figures and toys that let him think, and since the weather is still nice, we are getting some things that will promote his activities outdoors. It is my hope that years from now he probably won’t remember the computer game that was popular at the time, but he will remember running around outside with his friends and family.
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