Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A New Perspective
Then, if by chance I do get a few precious minutes, I start to feel like I’m missing something-that if I don’t stop what I’m doing and connect with my kids their childhood years will just fly by and I will have missed them. I’m already experiencing the twangs of separation with some of my kids changing habits. A year ago, my son would always give me a hug and a kiss at bedtime, and we would go through the same ritual every night:
"Goodnight Buster Brown."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"See you in the morning."
"I’ll see you in the morning."
Now that little ritual is gone, and although I still give him a kiss, I guess I have cooties, because there are cries of “Yuck!” as he tries to wipe his cheek. I still get a hug, and he always hugs me before I leave in the morning, but how long will this last?
My daughter is physically connected to her electronic devices, and spending more and more time in her room. I’ve had to establish times when devices are off and although I can usually coax her to help me make dinner or bake, gone are the days when she followed me around telling me about her day. (The girl is a virtual vault these days, and I only know something is bothering her when that mouth of hers starts working over time…)
I’m constantly stretched in different directions-grow up, don’t grow up, please grow up, please don't grow up-but now I know what alone feels like. My husband’s grandmother died Saturday night, and since I don’t get bereavement unless it’s someone in my immediate family, my husband took the kids and headed five hours away to my in-laws house. I got what I’ve always wanted-plenty of kid free me time, and I hate it! I didn’t make dinner since it was just me (I had an egg sandwich and fruit), and I can’t seem to be able to sit in one spot (I finally managed to plant myself in front of the computer to type this, and even then I didn’t feel like doing too much.)I've texted my daughter all evening (the most we've talked in a while) and both my kids sounded so small when I talked to them on the phone tonight...
I’m so worried about their drive back tomorrow and about how the kids are handling their first funeral that I can hardly keep my eyes open-and after dealing with teenagers all day, I'm emotionally drained. So that being said, I’m heading to bed knowing I better be careful what I wish for…